News Stories That I Wish Were 'April Fools Day' Jokes

Scrolling on the internet is hard enough these days without getting duped by a dumb April Fools Day post (please stop saying they're building a train from Houston to Dallas, I fall for it every year).

So instead, here are some headlines I wish were jokes.

Kid Rock Joins Trump in Oval Office For Executive Order Signing

Ah yes, a title that, if written in 1999, would have me committed to a mental institute. Today, Donald Trump signed an executive order banning ticket scalping. I'm sure no one remembers that because of Kid Rock's insane outfit for the occasion, as well as Trump's double-doubling down on wanting to run for a third term. Trump also talked about how he'd love to run against Obama for a third term, how much he loves the DOGE goon squad, the official White House Tesla, and of course, how he saved TikTok.

The My Pillow Guy Wants to Run Against Tim Walz

Mike Lindell, maker of the world's most uncomfortable pillow, wants to take over as Governor of Minnesota by running against Tim Walz. Lindell, who has faced numerous lawsuits because he kept lying about election fraud in 2020, announced the hat toss on his show that airs on his owned and operated network, LindellTV.

He then brought up his former crack addiction, saying ‘Well, Mike Lindell, you know he was a crack addict?’ Yeah, what else you got?”

The announcement was made after Tim Walz announced he was considering a third bid for Minnesota governor.

“I live here in Minnesota,” Lindell said. “Everywhere I go, no one wants Tim Walz. They don’t,” he said of the guy with a 52 percent approval rating in the state.

Trump Reacts to the News That Tiger Woods Is Dating Donald Jr.’s Ex-Wife

I don't think I have to say anything else about that.

...other than that explains why Woods was at the White House for Black History month. As an aside, it's weird that he's allowed to identify as black and asian, but Kamala wasn't. Hm.